I’m writing this to you now on the other side of darkness, I was a lonely sad adult for a few years. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but for me, growing up I had a TON of friends, best friends, close friends, surface friends, and everything in between I was really lucky in that department. Currently I have a good amount of healthy deep, and in close proximity, friendships. As someone who associates part of their identity as having a lot of friends, the times I didn’t were humbling, heartbreaking, and not something I would wish on anyone; to feel that kind of lonely.
Where do you even meet people anymore?! Work maybe? What if the median age at your job is 50+ or mostly 18-20 year olds! You are now in the middle of that. Are you supposed to go out by yourself? Or lets say you met someone in passing, how are you supposed to go about asking them to hangout in a non creepy I want to be your friend kind of way, and they probably have there own friends they reserve that time for. How are you supposed to find people to go do things with in places where you didn’t grow up, or lets say your interest have changed or your friends have slowly moved away (this happened to me staying in my college town after college) lets say you did get the number of a new potential friend, there is an extremely HIGH possibility of a cancellation! Your tired, they are tired someone gives the other an out, you take it. Plans cancelled and you guys reschedule only to not follow through with the next date. It happens ALL THE TIME over and over.
It used to be so easy in elementary, middle, high school, it got a little more difficult in college, but still you were forced to be part of this mass of people who you saw everyday wether you liked it or not. If they did a tiny little something that bothered you, you weren’t able to screen there phone calls, and write them off, in the way you can as an adult. If you met in your adult life, you don’t really have anything invested, no guilt of them being a part of your formative years, no immense amount of time spent in the relationship. So its sort of easy if a new friend does or says the most insignificant comment you didn’t like, or if you had a little off experience to no not confront them, but just pass on the friendship. I get it you have limited time and energy, your stretched thin, your feet hurt, you’ve been working all day, your pretty sure the amount of dry shampoo in your hair is putting a hole in the ozone layer and honestly it took everything in you to spend your little bit of free time not watching Netflix on the couch.
It seems pretty near impossible, and if you are looking at it through that lens it is. Getting to know someone takes effort, and time, you have to be intentional. If you aren’t its just not going to work. With that being said there have been many of times I have been intentional and followed through to no avail, what you have to realize is thats okay. Just don’t stop trying because you were probably once that same girl who couldn’t find it in herself to put in the effort either. It takes effort and follow through but once you go, you are so glad you did! It is worth it to pull yourself together and meet for coffee, it is worth it to make your tired, feet hurting, got laundry to do, just got off work, self go have a beer. Friendships and human connections are good for your soul and essential for your well being.
You need someone to vent too about your significant other, someone to brunch with, someone to talk about the dumb conspiracy theory you just saw on twitter. I want that for you. I hope this can put friendship into perspective for you. How necessary and complicated it can be. I could literally go on FOREVER about this subject friendship is something I’m passionate about, I’m SURE this wont be my last post on the subject! If you are having trouble in the friend depart please don’t get discouraged, it will take effort and energy, and time, but that connection is priceless.
I love you!